What Kids with ADHD Wish Parents Knew

Hi, it’s Unfiltered.

I wanted to write about something that I don’t think kids say out loud a lot—what it actually feels like to have ADHD, and what we wish our parents understood.

First, we’re not trying to be difficult. I know sometimes it probably looks like we’re not listening or we’re just doing whatever we want, but that’s not really it. My brain just goes really fast, and sometimes it goes in like five different directions at once. I can be trying to listen, and then suddenly I’m thinking about something completely different without even meaning to.

And we do care. Even when it looks like we don’t. If I forget something or don’t finish something, it’s not because I didn’t think it mattered. Sometimes I actually care so much that it stresses me out, and then I get stuck or distracted, and it just makes it worse.

Also, things can feel really overwhelming really quickly. Something small can turn into a big deal in my head; I know that probably doesn’t always make sense from the outside. But inside, it feels like a lot at once.

I think one of the biggest things is that we’re actually trying harder than it looks. Even if it doesn’t come out right, or we mess up, or we need a bunch of reminders. It might not look like an effort, but it is.

It also really helps when parents notice the good stuff, too, not just what we’re doing wrong. If all we hear is what we messed up, it kind of starts to feel like that’s all we are. But when someone notices something good, it actually makes me want to keep trying.

ADHD isn’t a bad thing. I have a lot of ideas. I notice stuff. I have energy. Sometimes I just need help figuring out what to do with all of that.

I don’t think kids with ADHD need perfect parents. We just need parents who are trying to understand us, even if they don’t always get it right. That matters more than anything.

—Unfiltered 💛

Dear Unfiltered

Thank you for sharing this insight. It’s so important that, as parents, we understand what helps you feel seen and heard. Oftentimes, parents misinterpret symptoms of ADHD as not trying hard enough or being selfish, when really, the ADHD brain is distracted or trying to process how best to respond.

I love how you are not trying to give excuses for behavior, but can express how you are feeling and how hard your brain is working to respond to your realities.

I also love how you said that it’s important for parents to notice the good things. You are absolutely right—encouragement goes a long way! The more parents can encourage a child with ADHD, the better off the child is.

I’ll also add that ADHD didn’t happen because of poor parenting, but the outcomes for a child with ADHD can be improved by a parent who is encouraging, understanding, and willing to listen and adjust parenting techniques.

Your thoughts and experiences are so important—you sharing them helps parents understand how to take action to better support their kids with ADHD. —Anchored 💛

PS - For the parents who are looking for extra resources, check out 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD, by Russell A. Barkley

Unfiltered is a kid with ADHD

Anchored is a Clinical Therapist